When I was younger, I used to think the concept of marriage was equivalent to a death sentence, hey 25 years to life right? One person for the rest of your life and some of us may live up to a 100, thats a really long time. Don’t you get bored or run out of things to talk about?
Anthropologist define love as a chemical reaction that takes place in the brain, which allows two people to stay together long enough to procreate. By that definition, love is a chemical reaction that will eventually fade away. I can see that happening, how many of us have fallen out of love before? Come on, you know who you are. You start dating and everything is a rosy dream and over time it becomes a dreadful nightmare.
So what is this love that everyone talks about? The emotion that makes people act and do silly things. To me love has different phases, you can say it goes through a cycle. It starts out as romantic chemistry, a emotion that does not discriminate against age, race, religion, culture and some people may even say defies gravity. When your with the person you love, you may not have anything in common but yet have so much to talk about, you may be from two completely different parts of the world but yet feel like you were never apart and lastly the one that took me by surprise, time stands still in the presence of love. Hours seems like seconds, you realize this the night you spend with the one you love and wonder how dawn got self-invited to your party for two.
Falling in love is the easy part but how do you stay in love? When your in a relationship, you realize that the person your with is not perfect and at times may even get on your nerves. Thats where the second phase of love comes in and rescues the day, as love then morphs into the acceptance of imperfection. Your partner’s quirks such as talking with his or her mouthful or snoring becomes acceptable. Contradictory to the initial stages of falling in love, where romance is in the air and you may think your partner has the manners of a member from the royal family and sleeps like an angle. There are many definitions for romance, and this is mine. Romance is the possibility of things to come. The excitement one gains when your tantalized by the mystery of the many possibilities of the relationship.
But every long term couples knows, this excitement soon tends to change. You spend years together and you go from being intrigued by each other to being in a comfortable routine. A change takes place and change is a good thing as thats where growth takes place. Its this growth that keeps you in love. Now bear in mind change is inevitable but growth is intentional. Just because your getting older together, does not mean you are getting wiser together. Wisdom comes from learning from your experiences and applying the lessons to your life. Thats the growth i’m talking about, the lessons you learn along the way about each other. Call it a journey of discovery. And that my friends, is the last and final phase of love where the romance develops into wisdom.
I realized as I was writing this article, I was asking the wrong question. Truth is you don’t fall out of love, you fall out of romance. You may feel after years of being together, the reality your in is not the possibility you were flirting with. If you have completed the cycle of love and you both grew together, you may feel the reality is better than the possibility. But if the love you had for each other never grew to evolve than you may feel the two of you are in two very different places in your life.
We all want something out of love but love needs a little attention too. Give love the time and space to grow, mature and evolve. Love is like fine wine it gets better with age. As even after knowing your partner inside out and staying together through the disagreements, you still love each other but its romance that fades off. By that I mean, you exhaust the possibilities of things to come. The excitement you had for the mystery has now become many years of history. You don’t get bored with each other, your now comfortable with one another, as long as growth is taking place in your relationship there will always be things to talk about and lastly 25 years to life goes by in a blink of and eye 😉
Love has to complete the full cycle for it to start of as a rosy dream and stay a rosy dream .Kicking out with romantic chemistry, morphing into acceptance of imperfections and lastly anchoring down to wisdom through growth. Love is the spice of life and we all need a little heat to make us feel alive.